Erotic power exchange is any situation where the partners, of their own free will and choice, actively and willfully incorporate the power element in their lovemaking (and usually for a great deal in their relationship). Erotic power exchange is best known as either BDSM, S&M, D/s or sadomasochism, but these terms are all too limited, incorrect and too often confused with stereotypes and forms of mental illness, which is why we like to call it Erotic Power Exchange (EPE).
Erotic power exchange can take any shape or form within a relationship between a man and a woman, a man and a man, a woman and a woman, or any possible combination you can think of (and probably more than a few you can't). From little things like simply blindfolding a partner when making love to anything like 24 hours a day, 7 days a week dedication or branding.
The shape and form it takes totally depends upon the fantasies, situation and boundaries of the partners involved. As long as it is informed consentual, safe, sane and voluntary it's called erotic power exchange. If any or all of these four elements are missing, it's called abuse.
Next, erotic power exchange requires a specific environment. Call it a biosphere, if you like. What it requires is a very sound, honest and sincere relationship, intense and open communication, trust, a lot of mutual understanding, an open mind, lots of love and care and a fair bit of creativity.
People will often ask: what's wrong with straight sex? Why add things like power exchange. Well, there's nothing wrong with straight sex. But there are people who want more out of their relationship. Maybe even more out of life. Those are the people who will identify the power element that exists in every relationship and start to work with it, play with it, explore and experiment. We all have to deal with political power, for example, but not all of us become politicians or even take an interest in politics.
Giving away power to your partner can be an immense erotic sensation. Being tied up, relatively helpless and being launched by your partner into your own fantasies and dreams - some submissives call that sub space - can be thrilling, relaxing and revealing at the same time. Pain, tickling and all sorts of other impulses - when administered with care and skill - can pump up your endorphins, giving you the same sensations that participation in intense sports will sometimes create. On the other hand, the dominant partner will feel the adrenaline flow freely through their body, giving them a very powerful feeling and a very intense and caring emotion at the same time. No, the people who do it don't need it to have an orgasm, but yes, they do need the power element to be present and used in their relationship.
Erotic power exchange is a very individual, personal experience. That's why it's very hard to describe what it is exactly. The only element all these people have in common is the fact that they are fascinated by the power element. What they do, how they do it and why may be completely different things.
Erotic power exchange is an umbrella argument. One couple may fill it in as tying her up in bed, another may be fascinated by the idea of a "strange" man walking into the bedroom capturing her and a third may have a relationship where she serves him in any aspect. Erotic power exchange is like golf: it's highly individual, you're the master of your own game and you're also your own referee.
It's entirely about what you want to do. You don't have to copy others. You don't even have to agree with what others do. It's your game, your thoughts, your fantasies. It's what you and your partner share. It's being able to explore the borders of your mind and imagination in a very safe environment.
To many people erotic power exchange is not just about sex, but more of a lifestyle. Most people who do it will recognize it as something very personal, something very much belonging to themselves. To many it's simply the way they express themselves.
There are many good articles and FAQ pages here, focused on a variety of specific topics related to bdsm, fetishes and kinks in general. Take your time, visit often, and learn all you can. Feel free to send us your comments and questions. We're always glad to lend some guidance whenever we can. Most of all, relax and have some fun. The prime rule here, like in life itself, is to enjoy yourself.
Based on materials from the POWERotics Foundation
© 1996-2000; republished here with their permission;
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